Talking to your toddler about big feelings
Co-regulation is the most powerful tool in your parenting kit. Here's how we use it in the toddler room.
Eighteen months to three years is the great emotional thunderstorm of early childhood. Brains are wiring themselves up at a frantic pace and there’s no executive function yet to keep the lid on. Big feelings are normal, expected, and developmentally healthy.
Our approach in the toddler room is co-regulation: we lend our calm so the child can borrow it. That means dropping to their eye level, slowing our breathing, naming the feeling (‘you wanted the red cup, that’s so disappointing’), and offering a small, safe choice.
What we don’t do: argue, lecture, threaten, or rush them out of the feeling. None of that works. The child needs to feel the feeling, name it, and come out the other side. Then — and only then — can a conversation happen about what to do next time.
Try this at home tonight: when the next meltdown happens, sit on the floor near them and say nothing. Just be there. Watch how much faster the storm passes when no one is fighting it.
